hay buhay!

when we decided to put up PR...we were clueless. utterly clueless. i suppose we had rose-colored glasses on and our thought bubbles were filled with exotic scenes from places we were hoping to travel to, courtesy of our business. a sobbing, neurotic, inept staff member who quit in less than a month of operations was not part of our fantasy.

gusto ko sana siyang tirisin sa inis pero sayang ang effort. after her false accusations against my cousin-in-law (at hindi po kami nagmamalinis...alam namin na wala kaming ginawang mali) and her tirade na dapat hindi kami nag-expect ng mataas sa kanya (heller!), nakalimutan ko na managalog. as always when i'm mad--og nagkurog na dyud ko sa kalagot--binweltahan ko na siya...in english! she meekly left after that. i don't know if she will have the guts to come back and claim the hundred-plus pesos left over from last payroll after her 'sangkatutak na absences.

kwentong girl

forgive me, magpapaka-gurlash ako ngayon. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

'ala lang, kinilig lang ako.

people know me to be, uhm, bato. i'm not easily swayed by emotions. i've been known to choose mind over heart. i've been...stoic.

occasionally though, i become a deviant from my own norm. like now.

i call him jaime, for no other reason than i do not want people to know who he really is. why? mmm...because i like the bato reputation and i do not want others to suspect that i sometimes am squishier than a marshmallow.

we dated a while back. as in waaaayyy back. but it was more of a friendly sort of dates. he was such a cutie-pie and had a reputation for being a chick magnet that i wasn't going to let him mess with my head. i stubbornly resisted the romantic moments. i think he liked hanging out with me because we were friends. he felt no pressure to flex his muscles and lay thick on the charm. he could just hang easy.

we parted ways because we soon found other things to do. yet from time to time he'd call to catch up. and whenever i know we're in the same vicinity, i'd ask to meet with him. no intense, passionate moments. just hellos and quick pecks on the cheeks and a good feeling residing in my heart after we say our goodbyes.

this time, however, it felt different. i can't put my finger on it exactly, but there's something. or may be i'm just wishing it is a something something. but he's making a daily effort to make his presence felt and i look forward to hearing his voice. yung timbre iba na kasi. 'di lang the rumble of mere affection, it sounded deeper, mature...ready.

or it could be that i'm just getting old (?!!) and lonely and nangita ra ko'g lingaw. hehehehe.

sh...ut up

there is this song by the ataris that goes something like, "being grown-up isn't half as fun as growing up..."

that could very well be my mantra these days.

the upside of being a certified adult is you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you make your own decisions. the downside is you make your own decisions, ergo you have no one to blame but yourself.

*gusto ko sanang mag-reklamo tungkol sa buhay-buhay, pero timpi na lang. baka batukan ako ni Lord sa inis. hehe.

to Langga

dear E,

i do not know if you'll get to read this anytime soon.

i hope you are well. i TRULY hope you are well.

guilt and frustration is mostly what i feel when i think of you. frustration because you were given just about every opportunity to live better than other people yet you walked down the wrong path. guilt because you walked the wrong path so maybe we may not have really given you every opportunity.

it is hard because i am not your parent yet i am more than just your ate. when you were born and growing up, i wished great things for you and hoped that you'll be able to soar. daddy, mommy, tito, kuya and i had hopeful dreams for you. we still do, actually.

i'm sorry if we failed you at any turn. maybe we got too complacent, thinking you were such a good kid, you wouldn't know how to make a mistake. but you did. so did we.

when you come back, let's talk again. we have to discuss your future. partly why i'm working hard now is so you will have a future. please take care, langga. we will always love you, no matter what.

happy FD!

i just realized it's founders week in silliman. i'm getting homesick.

funny quirk of a sillimanian: no matter where you are from, whether davao, manila or ghana, a sillimanian will always say, "mouli ko'g dumaguete".

i guess, we've all found our true selves here so it'll always seem like a birthplace to us.

honey, i'm home! huhuhu

i changed my mind. i don't think i want to do this. please don't let this happen. really. don't let me go!

oookaaay. so, i've been having second, third, fourth until sixth thoughts about packing my bags and leaving manila behind.

the thought of being davao-based for real was enough to give me panic attacks. just about every cell in me was resistant to the idea.

i'm still resistant. i just don't know why i am.

while i can sincerely agree that living in davao is waaay better than living in manila, i feel displaced here. like i lost my footing.

if any of my davao friends read this, i know the reactions might get to be of malu-fernandez proportions. please, people, bear with me. i know in time i'll be able to settle down. for the meantime, let me indulge in checking the flights out of here.

kapuy!

i've been flying the manila-davao route so often, i feel like a pingpong ball. travelling is not fun when it's work.

after this last trip, i was pouting and wishing earnestly that i could split up my body so that at least half of me is at a place where i should be.

to be employed or not to be

why is it so hard to say goodbye?

a few months ago, when we made the decision to open PR-Davao, i made the decision to leave my job and assist malou in davao. but now...i'm not so sure.

from day one, i've been ranting about my job, my boss, my workplace...but then, so does every other employee i know. ranting aside, i made a lot of good friends here and they're part of my hesitation to leave.

yesterday, before going home, i dropped off my resignation letter on my boss' desk. early this morning, he asked to speak with me.

as much as i get frustrated with him, i find it hard to leave him to his own devices. yet i know i'll be doing him a disservice since, with the new biz, i have to keep on travelling around. he graciously left the door open in case i change my mind about working for him. i said i'll think about it. and goodness gracious, i AM thinking about it!

maybe before the week is up, i'll gain a clearer head and make the right decision.

just a side trip with depression

There is a sadness within me that I cannot bury. God knows how much I've tried to deny or ignore the sheer volume of desperation that claws at my strength. Yet somehow, I live to see another day. Sometimes the despair slips from my mind and I get to smile and laugh and actually feel happy. It is during the quiet moments that I cannot escape. I willingly face it, more often than not. After all this time, I learned my lesson. Face your fears.

Maybe one day it will all be gone like a bad dream. Maybe one day I can say every dredge of unhappiness has been swept away and I can finally lay claim to complete joy. One day. I hope, I pray. Yes, there is still faith. God has never failed me. During the times that I erroneously thought He did, I've now realized was a failing on my part. I simply did not trust.

My life, though not completely great, is more than some unfortunate people I know. I still have my family, I still have my health, I still have my friends. At one point, all of these had been taken away from me yet I survived. God, whether I was willing or not, sustained me.

I dislike being called religious. I vehemently deny that label yet I hesitate to call myself spiritual. There are a lot of barnacles that have yet to be pried off and I am a work in progress. I'm clinging on to that One day. I claim my destiny for which my God has called me.

new vocation, new blog

i've been itching to make a new blog, but i neither had the time nor the inspiration.

with the opening of PR Davao behind me, i decided to create other new beginnings as well.

i look forward to...

basta, i look forward. enough said.

now open for business!

a few short months ago, a bunch of us sat together and made business plans. last august 8, it all came to pass and PR Travel-Davao was officially launched.

for all your travelling needs, please visit door 32, EC Business Center, CM Recto St., Davao City or you can call us at (082) 221-2255 or drop us a line at dvosales@prtravels.com.

we are glad to be of service. biyahe na!