in less than a month, i'll be 32. now how did that happen?!!!
i once thought that i'll be married at 24. not because i wanted to get married, i just assumed that that's what happens to people when they turn 24. i was 13 then, ano bang malay ko?
before i knew it, i was 24 and had already turned down two marriage proposals. the next seven years, i breezed through life...or as much "breezing" that can be done as i was beset by one tribulation after another. there was always a reason, another situation i had to troubleshoot, another responsibility i had to take on, another bad decision, that caused me to be commitment-shy.
the last guy i dated finally got fed up after i've been zipping in and out of town almost without warning. he couldn't understand my restlessness--i've lately been making noises about working abroad or just...leaving.
"why can't you stay put?"
this is the same refrain echoed in practically every relationship i've been in.
"you just haven't found the right guy yet."
people mean well and i appreciate their concern. i KNOW i haven't found him yet because i haven't been looking. i haven't the urge to settle down yet. the world's too large and too fascinating for me to stay put in one place and live the white-picket-fence dream with prince charming. not yet, not now.
why am i in a defensive mode? because even now i'm looking for an escape route. i've been home for exactly a month and i've been feeling the itch to move since i arrived. and i fear that i'll be hurting people again by leaving.
i'll be 32 soon. maybe when the clock strikes twelve, i'll gain the ability to put down roots.
or, at least find a shrink who will help me with my commitment issues :D
i once thought that i'll be married at 24. not because i wanted to get married, i just assumed that that's what happens to people when they turn 24. i was 13 then, ano bang malay ko?
before i knew it, i was 24 and had already turned down two marriage proposals. the next seven years, i breezed through life...or as much "breezing" that can be done as i was beset by one tribulation after another. there was always a reason, another situation i had to troubleshoot, another responsibility i had to take on, another bad decision, that caused me to be commitment-shy.
the last guy i dated finally got fed up after i've been zipping in and out of town almost without warning. he couldn't understand my restlessness--i've lately been making noises about working abroad or just...leaving.
"why can't you stay put?"
this is the same refrain echoed in practically every relationship i've been in.
"you just haven't found the right guy yet."
people mean well and i appreciate their concern. i KNOW i haven't found him yet because i haven't been looking. i haven't the urge to settle down yet. the world's too large and too fascinating for me to stay put in one place and live the white-picket-fence dream with prince charming. not yet, not now.
why am i in a defensive mode? because even now i'm looking for an escape route. i've been home for exactly a month and i've been feeling the itch to move since i arrived. and i fear that i'll be hurting people again by leaving.
i'll be 32 soon. maybe when the clock strikes twelve, i'll gain the ability to put down roots.
or, at least find a shrink who will help me with my commitment issues :D
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