yesterday i was asked, "when are you going to get married?"
i am perplexed. why is it that people feel one HAS to get married? or that one HAS to be in a relationship or at the very least, dating. seriously. this isn't rhetorical. can someone out there just give me a clear, logical explanation so that the next time i am asked i won't feel obliged to come up with a diplomatic answer that will smooth their ruffled feathers--or feel my own feathers being ruffled for that matter?
yes, i know how old i am. i celebrate each birthday, whether i feel like it or not. i know how many birthday cakes and plates of mama's spaghetti i've eaten.
it was all right before. no one in our family married young. so even when we passed quarterlife, there were no pushy grandmas or nosy uncles prodding us about our lovelives. that is until the buck stopped in front of me.
all my cousins before me have settled down, borne and sired brilliant prodigies...and now it was supposed to be my turn. it was like i was holding up everyone else younger than me.
and so yesterday one of my older cousins sat me down and i was earnestly asked, "when are you going to get married?"
then continued to present to me a list of prospective grooms.
what the hey!
i don't quite remember how i managed to dig my way out of that conversation, but i certainly don't want a repeat!
most little girls probably played house or imagined how their dream wedding would be. i was not like most little girls. yes, i did play house. i even had an actual house...or arranged my dad's old camper to look like a house. i had a bed, a palayok, a sandok, a frying pan, real food, even a mini-car...but no man in the house. even a pretend one. i was the only permanent character in my play.
as for weddings...the only person's wedding i fantasized about at that time was Wedding Barbie's, which my dad had given me as pasalubong. later on, i'd picture out a friend or cousin's wedding but strangely, never my own.
when i became a teenager, i figured i'd get married about the same time my mom did. just because i thought then that that was what adults did---get married and have families. when i entered my 20's, i got so caught up with all the possibilities life can offer and dreamed of being and having so much more than what was at the palm of my hands. marriage soon did not even become an idea. it simply didn't make my list of options.
sure, i date; albeit a bit sporadically lately, but i am no hermit. i've been in love twice, seriously infatuated many times over, but somehow permanence was not in the picture. at least not now.
the last marriage proposal i received was from a man who already asked me once before. he said he was willing to wait. i asked if he was willing to wait a decade. he got married to somebody else six months later.
okay, maybe this is an answer i can give--a decade from now. it's not satisfactory and had already prompted nosy relatives and friends to inquire, "...but what about children?", but it's the answer i am quite willing--and ready--to give. as for that other question, that is a whole, different ballgame.
i am perplexed. why is it that people feel one HAS to get married? or that one HAS to be in a relationship or at the very least, dating. seriously. this isn't rhetorical. can someone out there just give me a clear, logical explanation so that the next time i am asked i won't feel obliged to come up with a diplomatic answer that will smooth their ruffled feathers--or feel my own feathers being ruffled for that matter?
yes, i know how old i am. i celebrate each birthday, whether i feel like it or not. i know how many birthday cakes and plates of mama's spaghetti i've eaten.
it was all right before. no one in our family married young. so even when we passed quarterlife, there were no pushy grandmas or nosy uncles prodding us about our lovelives. that is until the buck stopped in front of me.
all my cousins before me have settled down, borne and sired brilliant prodigies...and now it was supposed to be my turn. it was like i was holding up everyone else younger than me.
and so yesterday one of my older cousins sat me down and i was earnestly asked, "when are you going to get married?"
then continued to present to me a list of prospective grooms.
what the hey!
i don't quite remember how i managed to dig my way out of that conversation, but i certainly don't want a repeat!
most little girls probably played house or imagined how their dream wedding would be. i was not like most little girls. yes, i did play house. i even had an actual house...or arranged my dad's old camper to look like a house. i had a bed, a palayok, a sandok, a frying pan, real food, even a mini-car...but no man in the house. even a pretend one. i was the only permanent character in my play.
as for weddings...the only person's wedding i fantasized about at that time was Wedding Barbie's, which my dad had given me as pasalubong. later on, i'd picture out a friend or cousin's wedding but strangely, never my own.
when i became a teenager, i figured i'd get married about the same time my mom did. just because i thought then that that was what adults did---get married and have families. when i entered my 20's, i got so caught up with all the possibilities life can offer and dreamed of being and having so much more than what was at the palm of my hands. marriage soon did not even become an idea. it simply didn't make my list of options.
sure, i date; albeit a bit sporadically lately, but i am no hermit. i've been in love twice, seriously infatuated many times over, but somehow permanence was not in the picture. at least not now.
the last marriage proposal i received was from a man who already asked me once before. he said he was willing to wait. i asked if he was willing to wait a decade. he got married to somebody else six months later.
okay, maybe this is an answer i can give--a decade from now. it's not satisfactory and had already prompted nosy relatives and friends to inquire, "...but what about children?", but it's the answer i am quite willing--and ready--to give. as for that other question, that is a whole, different ballgame.
